//
you're reading...
awakening, education, wellness

Turning The Pages: Welcome Back

38007_427617204733_249697_n

Just as the moment of death when your life flashes before you, I feel that’s where I am at, at this moment in time.  I transitioned in 2003, had quite the journey and paved my path, yet,  in the end, I found out that what I did solved absolutely nothing. I am no more a man today than I was Dec 23 2003 when I underwent a 7 hour procedure that consisted of a double mastectomy, laparoscopy induced radical hysterectomy and oophorectomy. I mutilated myself as many do in the quest of “changing” their sex.  Now I look back and think “what was I thinking”?    I became bald, hairy, scared and maimed, but a man, I am not. I know many in the trans community think they can magically change who they are by undergoing these procedures and taking dangerous hormones, but if they closely examined this, they would soon find out, that they are wrong.  How many women under go radical hysterectomies and mastectomy’s due to cancer or other health issues? They are still women, not men. How many genetically born females have excess androgen and suffer from all sorts of  hormonal imbalances, having a deeper voice, hair in places they don’t want, and lose the hair on their heads, many. Yet, they are still women.

12248650_419923474859912_1104454686_n

My siblings and I

 

How many men are born with an extreme feminine personalities, love everything nice and pink, yet, are men. Yes that’s right folks, this latest notion that we can change our bodies to become something else, does not make us that something else we wish to be.  We are only making fools of ourselves and the medical community lots of money. Save your money, and spend your time helping others, get out of your head and self for a minute, and realize that your gender dysphoria is not the most important thing in this world.

12285932_419923598193233_267180552_n

Mom and I

 

Now, lets talk a little bit about my de transitioning and this blog. I hope to be able to bring some awareness to this matter, and dive deep, deeper than most have ever cared to dive into. I did what I did back in 2003, because I believed that this fantasy was possible. But when the years passed, I realize that this was just another impulse driven by my need to belong and feel “normal”.  Boy was I wrong, I have felt less normal since my transition and there was never a day, I didn’t think of myself as an imposter, and oh yes a freak. I would look in the mirror and see the scars and my excessively hair body and bald head, and at times I just wanted to scream.  I,  being Maritza, the real person in this body, who had to step aside for this destructive individual who ruined everything Maritza worked so hard to build. You think you are being true to yourself, but like an episode or a scene from invasion of the body snatcher, your new creation is slowly destroying everything you ever were, created or loved.

So now its time to turn the page, and start a new chapter, or maybe even a book. Maritza is back and will no longer allow this fabrication called Mark to continue to ruin her life. So I say to you old friend, I know you meant well, and in a sense was created to protect Maritza from all the bad things men have done in her life. I know your heart was in the right place, but I am sorry to say, your time is up, and you can now leave us alone and in peace. Your destruction will forever leave scars in our lives, but the time for healing is now. So goodbye Mark and welcome back Maritza, you have a life ahead of you and lots of healing to do.

12270203_419923574859902_428072953_n

Dad and I

 

 

 

Advertisements

About Mark Angelo Cummings

Maritza/Mark is walking the path of healing, she/he is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer and Occupational Therapist, she/he has taken wellness one step further. Check out our website http://www.gypsybluenomads.com/ Follow our journey: The Travels of 2 Truth Seeker and Their Car. Check out our live Programing Tues & Thurs @ 6 PM MT on RealTalk With The Cummings https://www.youtube.com/c/GypsyBlueNomads

Discussion

4 thoughts on “Turning The Pages: Welcome Back

  1. Yay Ritz!! Welcome back! Never mind the scars. They are badges of honor. You were just trying to be happy (like us all). Your scars are proof of your desire to be happy. We all have them. Some inside. Some outside. Some both. You are greatly loved and your scars are proof of your path as you help others heal. A wounded healer brings deep healing to others.
    Blessings on you dear one!!
    Rayla

    Like

    Posted by Rayla's Emotional Work | November 28, 2015, 8:20 pm
  2. All of us women carry scars from the life in a patriarchy that exploits us, uses violence on us, and makes us hate ourselves.

    There are women who survived sexual molestation and became morbidly obese to keep away those whom would sexually assault them.

    There are women with teeth falling out from calcium deficiency, hanging bellies and breasts, stretch marked to the point the skin resembles more the folds of a brain, living in poverty with children because some man left her after numerous body wrecking pregnancies.

    There are some women who lost their hair, womb and breasts to cancer, they too are left to deal with feeling like they have masculinity by a body which betrayed them.

    There are some women with acid damaged faces, paralyzed facial muscles, or chopped off limbs, from jealous husbands who beat and marred them.

    There are some woman plasticized with faces unnaturally taut, huge swollen lips eerily appearing like a mask rather than a flesh and blood human being, they ruined their visage in pursuit of eternal youth because they knew that was their only value in this patriarchy.

    There are some women so thin they lost their ability to menstruate, they grew fine downy hair all over their body in biologies attempt to stay warm while so sorely malnourished, their voice ruined from the esophagus damage of constantly forcing themselves stop vomit every morsel. They did it to conform to the unreal expectation of patriarchy which says only tiny women are of value.

    All us women carry scars.

    And we are lucky

    Cause many women are in their graves.

    Many never got to become women, they were murdered for being born girls, died from infection of having their genitals mutiliated, died in child labor from being too young when raped, killed by family for refusing to marry at 8 or 12.

    So I have to love my scars, I have to wear them for those females who didn’t get to live to bear their own.

    You will have to do it too.

    Women know that inside, in our hearts, kept hidden from men’s eyes, there are many scars left from patriarchy that we women secretly share.

    I see your battle scarred heart, Maritza, it looks so much like my own, and I love you for managing every day to bandage it up and try to keep going for those who didn’t survive their wounds.

    Boudica, was the rightful queen of the celts when they still lived in a more equal society, when women could rule too. She had two daughters when her husband had died.

    The Roman patriarchs, ignoring female right to rule, invaded, raping her daughters before her eyes and looting her peoole.

    There were so few left to battle the Roman legions. But Boudica wouldn’t give in because she knew what life cooperating under that patriarchy would mean for herself and daughters, she wouldn’t let men get away with what they had done.

    She vowed to become a one woman warrior, she burned her breast off to pull the bow faster, loaded her chariot, and went to war against the Romans. She killed nearly 70,000 male Roman warriors with her small troupe. She fought battle after battle, until she died from exhaustion.

    Boudica’s mutilation of her female body, is in part what allowed her to become the warrior queen, and get some vengeance for her sisters and daughters of her tribe.

    To this day, Boudica’s statue stands in London’s town square, atop her chariot, spear in hand, flanked by her daughters, in remembrance of the queen who fought back legions of Roman patriarchs.

    And the rest of us still see a beautiful woman, and comment: “she’s so boudacious”, without knowing, who was most boudacious of them all, a woman, who cut off her breasts, to save herself…

    You are so boudacious, Maritza….

    Like

    Posted by Charlotte | December 1, 2015, 3:16 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: