you're reading...
awakening, detransition, education, gender variant, retransition, trans issues, wellness

Dysphoria A Variety Of Feelings



So I learn to understand that not everyone in the trans community actually feels or encounters Dysphoria the same  way or with the actual intensity that some do.  I for one had very little dysphoria, and what I presumed was Dysphoria of my breast was actually caused by the boundaries I created from being sexually molested as a young child. I felt my breast was the center of my dysphoric feelings and what I felt when they were  touched was a dirty, feeling, therefore, I did not want them touched, I grew to hate them. I now have worked through that, a bit late I know, lol, but I often imagine how it would feel like if I had breast again. I would welcome them and not have the old relationship I had with them before.

I look in the mirror now and I have so much work to do, the excess body hair and battle to rid of it, my face, the hardness, the facial hair battle and of coarse my male pattern baldness, all create a different type of dysphoria. I believe what I am experiencing now is what most trans folks experience but in reversal. This has now allowed me to have so much more compassion and understanding for my trans family, yes they are still my family, I grew to love, yet hate at the same time, just like an average dysfunctional families dynamics unfolds when dealing with issues they don’t want to face.  We do most of our spiritual growth through our love ones, we face our biggest challenges through our interactions with them. So I want to thank the community for helping me grow and heal. We may not always agree but we can come to terms and learn to accept each others differences and respect our stance.

I find I have more dysphoria now than before, and having a much harder time dealing with things or should I say finding patients. When I transitioned from female to male, the changes were quickly and strong. Now that I have all the male characteristics after 13 year of Testosterone and androgen use as a female body builder, the hardness of my face, voice and male characteristics are not as easy to reverse if at all. So believe me when I say, Trans sisters I feel your pain.

I was cruel to not be understanding, but trust me when I say, I will try to do what I can to help the world understand your plight. I also want to help the adjacent communities find compassion in their hearts for the trans community, it is not a good place to be in harboring hate and resentment. Trans women are a different kind of women, some see themselves as much of a woman as we are. I want to help them feel at peace and at ease, I believe that if we unite and learn to understand one another, we can do great things as humans, and learn that we are more alike than we are different.  Waving a flag to make a political statement creates blood shed, lasting hurt that not only hurts the target, but hurts the one pulling the trigger of that hate gun. Remember being right is not always the solution, feeling peace and love is the way to freeing your soul.

Let us make 2016 the year of acceptance, a year that we can be proud of. We are women and I know we have been hurt through out history, but we can change that but not through politics or war, but instead through compassion and understanding. Remember many of you are mothers and will bring to this earth a child that one day may question his or her gender identity. Let us create a safe playground for our gender expression and well being.


Much Love






About Mark Angelo Cummings

MarkAngelo is walking the path of healing, Mark is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer and Occupational Therapist, I have taken wellness one step further. Check out our website http://www.gypsybluenomads.com/ Follow our journey: The Travels of 2 Truth Seekers and Their Car. Our Blog http://transitionradio.blogspot.com/ Check out our Programming Tuesdays on RealTalk With The Cummings https://www.youtube.com/c/GypsyBlueNomads If you enjoy our work feel free to donate http://transitionradio.blogspot.com/


2 thoughts on “Dysphoria A Variety Of Feelings

  1. Sexual abuse can be easily overlooked as a main factor in dysphoria surrounding our sexed characteristics. I’ve personally found the problem to be frustratingly complex. It’s interesting that you mention the reverse dysphoria – I haven’t experienced this yet, but I have some suspicions about the future of my retransition journey.

    Right now, I am dreading the impending re-masculinization of my face as testosterone takes its effect. But this will take time. And as I work through my issues, and my face becomes more awkwardly androgynous, I suspect I’ll begin to feel this reverse dysphoria.

    Thanks for sharing this piece of yourself, Maritza.


    Posted by Miriam Afloat | January 13, 2016, 3:21 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: