Since last November, I reconnected with feelings that started back in May of last year and then finally I proceeded with my detransition process. So many of you may ask what now, how can you undo all of the changes you created? Will you get breast implants, and how will you get rid of your beard and body hair? Will your hair grow back? These are just a few of the questions I have gotten from those that know me, and to be honest they have also hovered over my mind as well. It took 6 months from me to change from Maritza to Mark, hormone therapy took 3 months and I had a full blown beard, my body hair sprouted just like that wonderful Christmas present most do not want, you know the one, the Shia pet. My voice although always deep when I was living as a female, became husky and sexy, according to some of my biggest fans, when I became Mark. How will I change all of the muscle, facial changes, demeanor and over all male appearance and how long will it take?
Well, I was worried, to the point I didn’t think it was going to be possible, but all of my worries where unfounded. I feel the in such a short period of time, my face has changed, my voice is not as deep when I will it not to be, and with a wig and make up, there is no doubt that I am truly a woman. Not to say that all women have to look a certain way, but for me it is important to revisit my femininity, the one I pushed away while growing up due to the push from those around me. I rebelled and my rebellion went a bit too far, but now I can take from all of this and grow. I am grateful for my experience, I don’t find detransitioning to be an obstacle or something negative, on the contrary, this will give me an opportunity to recreate the best me ever.
So what are the steps to be taken for a person who 13 years ago transitioned from Maritza to Mark? First of all, healing is on the top of my agenda, healing and forgiving myself for the years I took away and failed to nurture and love myself. I now need to become reacquainted with that sweet, gentle, intelligent and caring woman I use to be. Mark became abrasive, angry, had no patience and was all about him. There is a lot of work to be done to restore what I see in the mirror everyday, I want no trace of Mark, except maybe the lessons I learn while I lived as trans man. Over all, It is important for me to find peace in my heart and help others find their way back if they feel the journey they took was not the right one. There needs to be more information for changing of documents, medical help to undue all the changes we created during the time of self discovery which lead us to the path we took.
Goodbye Mark, hello Maritza let us make the next 50 years the best years of our lives with the one you love and loves you.
I love you but remember to love yourselves too