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awakening, detransitioning, education, gender variant, trans issues

Detransitioning, Now What?


Since last November, I reconnected with feelings that started back in May of last year and then finally I proceeded with my detransition process. So many  of you may ask what now, how can you undo all of the changes you created? Will you get breast implants, and how will you get rid of your beard and body hair? Will your hair grow back? These are just a few of the questions I have gotten from those that know me, and to be honest they have also hovered over my mind as well.  It took 6 months from me to change from Maritza to Mark, hormone therapy took 3 months and I had a full blown beard, my body hair sprouted just like that wonderful Christmas present most do not want, you know the one, the Shia pet. My voice although always deep when I was living as a female, became husky and sexy, according to some of my biggest fans, when I became Mark.  How will I change all of the muscle, facial changes, demeanor and over all male appearance and how long will it take?

Well, I was worried, to the point I didn’t think it was going to be possible, but all of my worries where unfounded. I feel the in such a short period of time, my face has changed, my voice is not as deep when I will it not to be, and with a wig and make up, there is no doubt that I am truly a woman. Not to say that all women have to look a certain way, but for me it is important to revisit my femininity, the one I pushed away while growing up due to the push from those around me.  I rebelled and my rebellion went a bit too far, but now I can take from all of this and grow. I am grateful for my experience, I don’t find detransitioning to be an obstacle or something negative, on the contrary, this will give me an opportunity to recreate the best me ever.

So what are the steps to be taken for a person who 13 years ago transitioned from Maritza to Mark? First of all, healing is on the top of my agenda, healing and forgiving myself for the years I took away and failed to nurture and love myself. I now need to become reacquainted with that sweet, gentle, intelligent and caring woman I use to be. Mark became abrasive, angry, had no patience and was all about him.  There is a lot of work to be done to restore what I see in the mirror everyday,  I want no trace of Mark, except maybe the lessons I learn while I lived as trans man. Over all, It is important for me to find peace in my heart and help others find their way back if they feel the journey they took was not the right one. There needs to be more information for changing of documents, medical help to undue all the changes we created during the time of self discovery which lead us to the path we took.

Goodbye Mark, hello Maritza let us make the next 50 years the best years of our lives with the one you love and loves you.


I love you but remember to love yourselves too



About Mark Angelo Cummings

Maritza/Mark is walking the path of healing, she/he is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer and Occupational Therapist, she/he has taken wellness one step further. Check out our website http://www.gypsybluenomads.com/ Follow our journey: The Travels of 2 Truth Seeker and Their Car. Check out our live Programing Tues & Thurs @ 6 PM MT on RealTalk With The Cummings https://www.youtube.com/c/GypsyBlueNomads


5 thoughts on “Detransitioning, Now What?

  1. Maritza why are you using the term “Two-Spirit”? Are you of indigenous origin?


    Posted by river | February 4, 2016, 11:50 pm
  2. There may actually be some who detransistion due to wrong diagnosis, or addicted or fetishistic crossdressers who are not transsexuals but were coerced into transitioning, but later regretted. This is why a clear distinction also needs to be made between crossdressers(who may be bi-gendered/gender-queer, i.e. two spirited, and only suffers from very mild to moderate dysphoria)/fetishistic transvestites and actual transsexual women who NEED to transition else they may end their lives eventually due to intense and persistent gender dysphoria. Fetishistic transvestism is mainly seen in men and extremely rarely in women.

    However, also possible are those who are two-spirited, understanding that gender is a spectrum, with cis-people on one end and trans-people on the other end, and gender-queer individuals at anywhere in between along the spectrum, trying to find their own unique and special gender-balance.

    Someone posted this advice online (about considerations and self-reflection that needs to be made before one embark on transistioning) and I think it is relevant.

    “Perhaps a good way to tell is to consider if: take away the option to dress in the “sexy” clothes that appeals to you, would you still *need* to transition and live as a woman for the rest of your life? Can you imagine yourself growing old as a man, or can you only picture yourself growing old as a woman and can’t stand the thought of not being able to life your life as such?

    Further, also try to think back: e.g. [Transvestic fetishism] Did the “crossdressing” spark and grow the desire (to transition) only after the experience and development of the fetish (during Secondary school well into your puberty)? Did you only start thinking/desiring yourself to be regarded as female after that? OR were you [Transsexualism] frequently distressed for being treated as boy for as long as you can remember into your adolescence? Was it something that you have felt even before your teen (when you have undergo puberty, and libido sets in). i.e. struggles with intense gender dysphoric experiences should leave a strong impact in your mind well into adolescence, that you still should be able to recall them.

    In the end, the psychiatrists are only there to provide assistance, but the responsibility to make the right decision for ourselves rests firmly on us, not them.

    ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

    Psychiatric assessment is tricky, and relies also on what the patient reveals to the doctor. Psychiatrists too can sometimes make a wrong diagnosis too, and hence the many instances of transvestic crossdressers who transitioned, but later regretted and detransition. Even different psychiatrists can apply different standards of diagnosis base on your own views (religious) and experiences, regardless of APA recommendations. There are also some psychiatrists whose style (perhaps base on their own past experiences) may also go by the “you will/should know if you are one” philosophy, and will sometimes not attempt to access if a patient is a transsexual or is asking for HRT and GRS due to fetishistic-motivation(s) but just offer their advise, and will provide a woman’s letter if you have at least done your NS (so that he knows you’re not just trying to escape it).

    These are usually used as examples to mislead the public to dismiss the needs of transsexual people who NEED to transition (not simply desire to due to a fetish, or an addiction to cross-dressing), and ammo to attack the community and aim to deny the availability of modern medical transitioning to transpeople, to help those who are truly suffering from persistence and intense gender dysphoria since adolescence. There are many instances of this that can be found on anti pinkdot or so-called “pro-family” [sic – since transphobia IMO is potential child abuse] facebook groups, and even so-called “ex-transsexuals” (who are actually crossdressers who mistakenly transitioned and later regretted and blame the gender-psychiatrists and the transsexual community, and claiming that transsexualism is fake and made-up).

    I am not saying that the social acceptance of fetishistic cross-dressing men do not matter, however their’s is the need for acceptance to crossgender sexual expression, which is very different from the needs of gender-identity acceptance for trans-men and trans-women. The public understanding, and acceptance of two cannot be effectively fought on the same front, and a clear distinction between the two needs to be made. This is especially since it is common and widespread for the general public to be completely ignorant and confused of the significant differences between TVS/CDing (typucally) cis-men with transsexual-people — i.e. anyone who expresses in a cross-gender way are simply and misleadingly referred to as “ah gua” [sic] in SG (and being called other generalized slurs in other places).” — By JuniAiko


    Posted by Cheryl Lee | February 6, 2016, 7:30 am

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