All the years of being exposed to so many in the trans community, not only by interviewing the countless people who are trans identified from all around the world on our show Transition Radio, now called RealTalk With The Cummings, but people that I have personally interacted with since I “came out” in 2003. I am a very analytical person and I am able to see patterns in things, putting together correlations and traits in a neat little box per say. I see lots of signs that most therapist may not even catch after the merely 4 sessions they have with their trans clients before they hand them out the letter that will forever change their lives.
The typical personality traits that many in the trans community have is not what makes them trans but what leads them into pursuing their transition. As I have mentioned in previous blog entry, the childhood traumas, unresolved issues, inability to navigate their environment in their true essence, creating narcissistic personalities that will forever have to endure a life with excessive needs, inability to cope, and a very vivid imagination. The lack of seeing things through, always wanting more, obsess with their appearance (due to low self esteem and feeling ugly in their youth), unable to communicate effectively, angered and frustrated quickly, short fused, a need to control, quiet, submissive apparently, but easily enraged, wanting to have attention, although appearing shy and quiet. The sensitivity seems to be one way though, they are sensitive to their needs, but unable to see the needs of others, wanting to be in the lime light, and the need to be told they are “beautiful”, or “handsome”.
So you ask why do these traits necessarily make someone trans? They don’t, no one is really trans, remember my opinion of the word is that it’s a word that was created to fit all of those individuals who are not comfortable with themselves, and use gender as a crutch. People have different personalities, needs, and acquire likes and dislikes that may be gender specific according to society, but in reality, men and women are not that different, except for reproductive tools, and some hormone induced characteristics, and societal programming, but other than that we are pretty much the same. The characteristics I named are due to childhood traumas, environmentally induced factors which created the behaviors in many in the trans community, individuals that were unable to be themselves and told they were wrong for being who they were, so the imagination kicked in and now they transformed themselves into the perfect being they imagined in their minds.
Have you noticed even during the name selection, which some change at least 3 times before coming up with the right one, it’s always like a theme to a movie, in big bold letters. The selfies, the imaginable scenarios, are are like a made for TV Movie with sparkles, lights and glamour. They live on Someday Isle, finding their days filled with imagination gaps, posting and boasting about the things they plan to do to themselves to become “their true self”:. I swear it’s like a science project for most, how does anyone become themselves, when they are actually creating something else? I am not trying to be offensive, and trust me everything I speak of here was me at one point, I took myself too serious, I Mark Angelo was the Trans-man On A Mission, I was going to heal the world, my music, my acting, my good looks, lol, all these things where all going to help me change the world. I could not accept who I was because I was told that Maritza was defected, to masculine, being labeled a lesbian felt dirty or at least that’s how I was made to feel by those that loved me and society of coarse. So when I found out who I truly was, yeah right, I vindicated myself so I thought. “You see, I was not a lesbian after all, I am a straight man”, yeah sure.
There are many reasons why people transition, I can’t claim to know them all, but I am pretty close, but either way, in my humble opinion, transitioning solves nothing for most, and I better say most; if not I will be labeled all sorts of things, and told that I am miserable, and have regrets and all that jazz, that I was never trans, and while they are at it, I was told to die. The narcissistic rage seen by many in this community is troubling, creating an inability to have deep conversations, and to provide that real help that is needed. So yeah, look closely at those in this community, you will find the signs I speak off, but be careful how you approach things, because you will have yourself a nuclear explosion and one angry person, who cannot see that you care and are worried about their emotional and physical health, as long as they look good that is all that really matters to them, as seen by the many FB comments, ” you go girl, you look beautiful”, cheering each other on as if beauty was all that mattered. In fact, trans men care about power and trans women about beauty, according to a therapist in a book Lynna is reading and sharing with me, a real story and life account of a spouse who had to deal with a narcissistic trans woman she once loved and thought she new, “Sex Changes A Memoir: Of Marriage, Gender And Moving On”. The victims of this middle age crisis are the ones I feel sorry for, no doubt those who are going through their coping mechanisms is sad to, I wish there was a better way, but all I can do is share my opinion, views and what I have observed in being in a community I so love and care for.
What I would love to see is people being true to themselves without having to hurt themselves or others, live in a world where a man can be weak and celebrated and woman strong and admired. Where clothing is neutral and none gender specific, where people don’t need to change to fit into a box. This world is possible if religion kept their mouth shut and stop judging so much, if people stood up and stood out for being themselves, not some Houdini act of changing their appearance and think they found the solution when in fact they have not. It buys us time, gives us something to stare at the mirror, till the clock starts ticking and we run out of money to continue to create the image we want to see, in the end we are faced with the same disaster we started with and instead of working on our hearts and calming our minds, we instead took the quick route the route where dreams are made of, but everyone eventually has to wake up and the dream is just a distant memory, leaving behind a trail of disaster that will most likely not be able to be cleaned up.
Till Next Time