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awakening, depression, detransition, detransitioning, education, gender variant, healhty lifestyle, health, retransition, suicide, trans issues, Uncategorized

Recovering Trans Addict


13 years of my life has passed by, I feel as if I have been living a different life from the life I was meant to live. I rebelled against all the rules society created, girls are meant to be pretty, wear dresses, be subservient, quiet and yes weak. Don’t do this, do that, act like a lady, shave your legs, put some make up on, why are you so fat?  I hear these words still to this day, even after my reflection in the mirror changed in 2003, where I learned about transsexuality and how I can fix my problem, the problem of self hatred, lack of self worth and how I can now be the stronger sex and my mannerisms, actions and attire will be seen as “right”.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to our binary world, a world that will create personality disordered individuals, narcissistic in every aspect of the word, angered and self consumed, with the need to control the world and make it as we see fit. No one wants to admit they have a problem, it’s everyone else’s fault, but of course, we were born wrong, right? Wrong, after years of living “this way”, the hairy body, the muscles, the deep voice, the enlarge clitoris, 13 years of post hysterectomy and bilateral mastectomy,  the body that I once thought was diseased is actually the wrong body now. I am not a man, never have been never will be. I fell for the Koolaid and all of the trimmings.

I have tried to detransition, live and married a trans identified individual, who also suffers, as it’s lead to believe, that this condition is so terrible that it will devastate you and your life. The fact is we lived prior to this, and yes we got ridiculed for being to masculine, non lady like, Lynna for being to soft spoken, cried about everything and was fascinated with fabrics, a typical neurological condition for those who are amazed with touching things and feeling them on their bodies.  We were born different and our difference was seen as weakness or displaced from the “norm”, so due to this we tried to “fix” it by changing to the gender our actions best fit.


Recovery is very hard in the world we live in, people are now applauding the trans agenda, because they much prefer that over an effeminate man, or a butchie woman, because documentations have to match your appearance of either a man or a woman, or you can go to jail for impersonating the other gender, this leads to people having to alter their bodies to justify their expressions, this is dead wrong and should be prosecuted to the letter of the law. When is society going to get it, the more you push against gender variant people the more conditions will arise. All the new technologies, new way of thinking is creating more and more problems for our society, men need more responsibilities to keep them out of trouble, to keep them from cross dreaming and spending their time fantasizing about being a female, and women, need to accept the fact that they can be strong, and unassuming, they can be subservient to their man if she pleases or not, the family is falling apart, we are losing all of our morals and traditions, and I believe it is all based on lack of integration of our inner most making. Take a look at our show that we did last night, we explain a lot of the integration of our Anima and Animus.


What breaks my heart are the victims of our actions, our parents, our kids, those who are married and force their love ones to see this as normal, here are links to some trans widows and souls whose life have been turned upside down.



So as the titled mentions, I am a recovering trans addict, the years of Testosterone in my system has created many changes, changes I don’t necessarily like anymore, it gets old playing this game after the years. But what can I do now? The system is set up for transitioning, not at all for detransitioning. I want nothing more than to help others realize the dangerous waters they are embarking on when they try to transition, its not at all what it appears. Trans people are no happier after transition, there is a euphoric and honeymoon phase, but once that wears out and all of the health issues start to kick in, well lets put it this way, its not pretty. Sex is none negotiable, gender is but personality, so we should be free to express away, without living this pipe dream and creating such permanent changes that will forever scar you. Please, please, let us help society change the way they look at those of us who are different, so we don’t have to do these crazy things.

Visit our website http://www.transitionradio.net

Till Next Time



About Mark Angelo Cummings

Maritza/Mark is walking the path of healing, she/he is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer and Occupational Therapist, she/he has taken wellness one step further. Check out our website http://www.gypsybluenomads.com/ Follow our journey: The Travels of 2 Truth Seeker and Their Car. Check out our live Programing Tues & Thurs @ 6 PM MT on RealTalk With The Cummings https://www.youtube.com/c/GypsyBlueNomads


4 thoughts on “Recovering Trans Addict

  1. Maritza, I wish you and Paul the best and hope you pull through this time. You two went through a lot and I really hope that things get better. Stay strong.


    Posted by Gerdien Baker | September 12, 2016, 11:09 am
  2. hello! i’m continuing to explore your blog : ) i understand your views might have changed since writing this, that being said, is there any councilors specialisng in helping people who have these conflictions? – i dont mean to
    ‘straighten you out’ one way or the other, but just to provide emotional support.
    seems like you have a lot of deep feelings and it might help to, i duno, start a face book group for other people
    who share similar experiences? maybe you already have!


    Posted by moonfayree | March 1, 2017, 10:48 pm
    • Hello Moonfayree, thank you for your comment and questions. The majority of what appears as confusion and mind changing stems from my wife Lynna, and the hurt she has experienced by her family and lack of support. We de-transitioned to try to get her kids back in our life, but things did not work out, hence, we resumed the identity we feel comfortable in.

      I transitioned in 2003, have always been comfortable with my masculine energy and although I am okay with my nurturing side, after 14 years living as a trans man, legally male, I find it is where I fit best. Therapist have little to no information to help individuals who are trying to navigate this life. It is a one size fits all based on Pharmaceuticals and surgeries, all the wrong approach.

      This is spiritual in nature, and the sooner trans people realize this and stop making it all about the physical, the sooner they will be able to navigate their life peacefully and gracefully. Humans we all face challenges, some more than others, I don’t there is a person alive who is content fully with their life and situation until that is they let go of expectations and stop trying to live a life based on validation.

      I find most trans folks don’t want to listen to anyone, except for the typical programming of being born wrong, now fix me. We have been demonized for sharing our beliefs and trying to open up conversation that are away from the typical gender box and trans agenda.

      Thank you once again

      Mark Angelo


      Posted by Mark Angelo Cummings | March 2, 2017, 4:10 am

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