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awakening, detransition, eating right, education, fitneess, God, healhty lifestyle, health, hormones, Jesus, redemption, Uncategorized

What Was I Thinking?


As days go by, I am still feeling like I am dreaming, never have I known such bliss, happiness and completeness, pinch me, am I dreaming? I always thought happiness was for other people, not me. I thought that I was doomed with failed relationships, career plans and the need to  always chase a dream, after all is that not what life is all about, striving, wanting and hoping to get the things that we feel are out of reach?


I thought as all do in this trans community, that happiness was altering your genitals, changing your gender marker, taking dangerous hormones and selfies, right, is that not what trans people do? Okay so some play with their new found gender, by pretending to be mothers, career driven individuals and advocates, oh yes lots of advocates, everyone is either an actor, model, or advocate, that is what these Jezebel spirits love to do the most, parade themselves and feel a sense of importance at all cost they will get their way.  Furthermore, the need for attention is what drives this agenda, taking individuals who are broken, lonely and feel their life is worthless.


To think that I thought that I needed to change myself to be happy. I found happiness as my true self, my heart new what it wanted and needed, but I let my brain take over, and that is when the mess began.  What was I thinking ? Did I think that I was going to be a man by taking male hormones, and removing my female reproductive organs?  Well, what I failed to see was that women who fall pray to cancer and other diseases have their uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed and they are still women. What about those who have their breast radically removed due to breast cancer, are they not women still?  As women age, they automatically start to produce androgen after the years of reproduction end, but they are still women. So what makes trans men think that they are men, just because they do what they do? I see it now  so clearly, I see it now as a ridiculous and absurd quest, but I must tell you I was so blind then and led by the programing this diabolical agenda presents. I advocated and educated and told people how important it was to know that we existed.  Well I wish I could take all of it back, because now I say this is the work of the darkness, the work of a force that hates God’s creation and as destructive as this is to every individual that under goes this madness, it is destructive to the world in general. The trans agenda is trying to recreate Gods world, and it must be stopped.


I found happiness by just being me, by falling in love with the most amazing, gentle, loving, caring and giving man, the man that God made for me. I found happiness in loving Jesus and accepting him as my lord and savior, in giving in and realizing that I did not have to go at this alone, that once I surrendered to him, my world would change for the better, and it has. Paul and I are a miracle and a great testimony for our heavenly father.


I have a word of advice for those in the LGBT community, I don’t want to judge you, I can’t, I am not God, but I can tell you that true happiness is found by being true to you, to the original plans that were created the day you were born. God has a plan for you, surrender to his love and ways, and the world is yours, I promise.



How I feel Today:  From the years of taking T, my body mechanics and movement has changed, so I find myself trying to soften my moves and posture. I am feeling achy and tired, but its to be expected. My diet is good, Urine Therapy day 3, I increase the amount I take in, the goal is to reach 1/2  litter a day, but kid you not, it is a struggle. According to what I have read one gets use to the taste, but as of now, it taste like, well, urine, lol urine therapy .

Hair growth is still heavy and thick on my arms, legs, back, chest and face. The one time Laser treatment  as of now has not proven to do much yet, but I know I have many to come to stop the hair growth, so patients is needed, I know.


Personal and intimate information for educational purposes 

On a personal note, Paul and I are learning our normal roles and loving it. We are connecting nicely in the bedroom, but it still feels like a new relationship as we learn to navigate in the bedroom as a normal heterosexual couple. I feel alive and vibrant, I have healed from the fear I once had of penises, and I must say since Paul stopped the female hormones, his manhood is functioning very well, I am thankful that he was not damaged from the 3 years on estradiol.  We have yet to engaged in regular inter-coarse we are making sure that the equipment works well so that we don’t have any discouragements like the times we tried in the past while he was on HRT and we pretty much stopped trying due to frustration.  But I am definitely looking forward to feeling him inside of me and connecting as God intended for a man a woman to connect, as they love each other and become one.


I have decrease my food intake since I no longer have testosterone in me, and I am sure my metabolism will slow down because of this, also I will be needing less calories and to increase my activity level. I don’t want to gain weight,  hence my work out routine consists of weight training 6 days a week, and with a functional twist. I find I have the same strength level than befroe, and my goal is to feminize my muscles but remaining tone and strong. Here is video clip of my work out.


Emotionally I am doing good, we pray, listen to Christian music all day long, keeping our spirit strong and honoring God every step of the way.


Till Next Time


Maritza Lopez


About Mark Angelo Cummings

MarkAngelo is walking the path of healing, Mark is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer and Occupational Therapist, I have taken wellness one step further. Check out our website http://www.gypsybluenomads.com/ Follow our journey: The Travels of 2 Truth Seekers and Their Car. Our Blog http://transitionradio.blogspot.com/ Check out our Programming Tuesdays on RealTalk With The Cummings https://www.youtube.com/c/GypsyBlueNomads If you enjoy our work feel free to donate http://transitionradio.blogspot.com/


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