As a child, I was totally an introvert, did not allow anyone in my head, heart or space for that matter. I knew from a very young age that I was different, and could not relate to anyone, not even my own parents. I often felt I came from another planet and was planted here for some sort of mission.
Early on in life, I was interested in the occult, ESP, teleportation and Astral Projection, I quickly learned that I had special skills as in being empathic, able to see things before they happened and sometimes felt that I could manipulate the world around me. My family was Catholic, but my grandmother took on the Cultish religion known as, Jehova’s Witness. She tried to instill these beliefs in me and what I learned of this God Jehova, came from my 6 years or so exposure and of my faithful attendance in their Church, bible studies and all of their conventions. I dreaded the Sunday morning witnessing where we knocked on people doors and handed them some literature, did I mention it was way early in the morning, to let them know the good news, that Jesus was coming? Thankfully I reached an age that I was able to politely decline my grandmother’s wishes that I would be baptized and become a good Witness to Jehova, so instead, I continued to pursue my Spiritualist nature, and said goodbye to religion, well, till my latest attempt with Christianity where Paul and I were supposing redeemed and saved. We had a show last night that covered lots of what we learned while living as a Christian, after being baptized something prompted us to dig further into the bible and find out the real truth behind it all.
I feel that religion actually creates lots of our emotional and mental traumas. I see it as a form of self-restriction, a way to punish self when one cannot achieve certain rules placed there by mankind to control humankind. There are people in this world who are very law oriented, the geeks in school, the ones so occupied with being lawful, in the attempt to keep some sort of order in their minds, or they will go wild if they don’t do so. Men has tried so desperately to create a God in his image, forgetting that it is impossible to place our creator in a box, let alone a book.
Going back to my introvert nature, I preferred to sit alone in my room, rocking in my rocking share, listening to music, or playing music while I fantasized the world I lived in and created. I had the most vivid imagination ever, there were times I could not differentiate reality from nonreality and preferred being there versus the “real world”. I learned to play the guitar when I was 10 years of age and wrote my first song “Oh Poor Orlando” with the first two guitar chords I was taught. From that moment on, I have written countless songs, and although my singing voice took a major dive when I transitioned, Testosterone lengthens the vocal chords and can damage them, I managed to teach myself to sing again as best as I could. Here is a playlist to some of my originals, I even produced my own album called Enslaved.
I still find myself feeling different, an alien in nature, but have learned to communicate with the locals, in spite of it all, and many failed relationships, I do feel that I found my twin in Lynna, her and I are very much alike in so many ways. Her indoctrination in religion from a very young age, I suspect has been the core of her pain and self-esteem issues. I know too well what that does to a person’s soul, and it’s not saving it either. If Christians only knew the damage they do, they would step back and try to follow the real message of Christ, the one, they claim to follow. I feel the difference between her and I is, that I have been more worldly, more rebellious and managed to escape religiosity which helped me deal with my core pain more so than she. She was still held captive by the stronghold of Christianity which numbs you to any ability to explore and resolve, instead, they expect you to be fully devoted to a theme of “keep your eyes on Jesus”, and let Jesus solve all of your problems, well we see how well that works.
What I learn from all the years living on this terrain is to be honest, to speak my mind, and somehow you may connect with the right type of people and alienate those that you really don’t want any part of while doing so. I hope to continue to grow and hope that my Mothership decides to finally come by and take me back home to my original planet.
Till Next Time
MarkAngelo AKA NANO