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STOP ALREADY

 

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The Present And Future

 

okay, so I have been using my blog and YouTube channel to vent, to tell my story as well as to document my crazy life. So now I will share with you what has transpired since we transitioned back to Mark and Lynna. The overwhelming push from the Christian community that  was watching us like hawks actually created a rebound and led us to realize that we were doing it for (detransition) all the wrong reasons.  Many of you may or may not know the story of Lynna and how her ex-spouse refuses to allow Lynna to have contact with her kids which consisted of only a phone call every other week.  Lynna has suffered throughout her transition because her ex-spouse has made Lynna’s life a living hell.  She turned Lynna’s kids against her and with the Christian upbringing and continual Christian lifestyle that her ex-spouse’s and family follow, has done nothing less than create emotional trauma and turmoil for Lynna and now my life.

 

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The Past

 

Her ex-wife wanted to take Lynna to the cleaners by asking for 4 types of alimony and basically wanted to hurt Lynna financially as well as emotionally. Well, long story short, Lynna as most of you know was involved in a terrible accident which has not allowed her to resume her career as a camera operator, so needless to say, her ex’s plan of total annihilation was a bit thrown off course. Karma can be a SOB at times, and as Lynna’s ex once said, “you are only a paycheck to me”, well that kind of went south for her, yet I quickly learned how Christianity works, these are words of a loving Christian woman, who by the way, was not at all glad to see her ex-return to christ or that Lynna had also brought me to Christ. No, not at all, her vengeance and hatred towards us were more important, and continuing to keep the kids away from us, her main goal.

 

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Memories, Fatherhood Ripped From Him

 

On the biweekly phone calls, the kids lack off interest to speak to their father is heartbreaking, it is always a one-sided conversation, which shows no love interest on their side, my Lynna has suffered so much in the hands of these individuals who have no true love in their heart and only really miss the “gig” they had with “Paul” their dad.  They love the memory but not the real person Lynna is, they love the road trips and the lifestyle Lynna gave them as part of her career, but not the person Lynna is today. I for one, am tired of sitting back and watching my Lynna fall apart because of the treatment she has received from not only her family, mother, sister included, but from her so called Christian friends who were not very welcoming and pretty much still resentful and oh yes, wanted Lynna to hit a reset button and return to Cheryl.

 

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An Unhappy Soul Dreaming His Life Away

 

If I seem angry or resentful, I am. I underwent painful laser treatment, wanted Lynna to find happiness with her kids so I went along with the de-transitioning bit, not once but 3 times, all to find out that the kids hate me, the eldest has even threatened me, my heart was broken when I read the text that referred to me as a “whore” and telling his father that we would end up breaking up and that he would make sure, he would make our lives a living hell. This all from a “Christian” attending a Christian college.  These kids do not realize how much I have done for their father, I nursed Lynna back to health, have been her only unconditional love connection which has been her salvation, she has had to learn to deal with so much rejection and abandonment, something no one should ever have to experience.

I am beside myself, not only have a placed my health in danger, the laser treatment has now created a patchy beard growth, I lost a ton of muscle mass for being off Testosterone and God knows what chains of events I have set on my hormonal profile. My emotional health has been affected, dealing with Lynna’s baggage that stems from the rejection of her kids and friends.

 

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A Sister Missing In Action Due To Lack Of Acceptance

 

The roller coaster ride we have been on, all for these kids, to include alienating the LGBT community, was not worth it, and now I am bitter and resentful. I know I will work through it all, and my love for Lynna and Lynna for me will keep us focus on what matters and that is us. I am sick and tired of people trying to instill guilt, especially these holier than thou Christians. So I say to you, and you know who you are, stop, stop already with all of your self-righteous bull shit. We are going to live our lives whether you like it or not. Either you all get with the program, or you can just tune out.

 

Till Next Time

 

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Love Is All That Matters

 

Mark Angelo Cummings

 

 

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About Mark Angelo Cummings

Maritza/Mark is walking the path of healing, she/he is a broadcaster, musician, writer, and educator. As a Certified Nutritional Consultant, Master Personal Trainer and Occupational Therapist, she/he has taken wellness one step further. Check out our website http://www.gypsybluenomads.com/ Follow our journey: The Travels of 2 Truth Seeker and Their Car

Discussion

13 thoughts on “STOP ALREADY

  1. Whatever about the fundies – who do not represent all of Christianity – I do wonder why you had to play ball with a certain segment of feminists. Did they promise something like free legal help and then failed to deliver?

    Like

    Posted by ramendik | December 1, 2016, 5:39 pm
    • No one has promised us anything, we lead our lives based on our search for the truth, passion, and inner feelings. We learn and grow with every move we make. That is how life should be lived. The feminist movement used us as most groups do, who try to use our message to benefit them, whenever we go on one of our rants.

      Like

      Posted by Mark Angelo Cummings | December 1, 2016, 6:25 pm
  2. Reblogged this on Lynna's Life.

    Like

    Posted by Lynna Cummings | December 8, 2016, 5:40 pm
  3. It does not make sense. How may years did you consider being the opposite sex (all in secret, researching reading, imagining, trying on clothes etc.) Then how many years did you work on transitioning? (10-20 or more years, then 2-3 transitioning) compare that to how many weeks you decided to turn back and try to be the same sex you were born? (8-10 weeks) And then you claim that your fatherhood was “ripped” from you” ??? It just does not make sense. Did you expect to immediately get every family member you had to say “Hay, so glad you decided to not be the opposite sex any more! Now you want to be Paul again, hurray!” and then just trust that you would not change your mind again? Did you commit to a year, 9 months, or even 6 months? did you make any kind of commitment? Did you see any counseling? or you and your spouse now know everything in life and can answer all of life’s questions? Regardless of your decision in life, it sounds like everyone else is to blame for not believing you or not trusting your newest decision. You are asking everyone else to stop, but stop what, questioning you on which way you will turn next? Even during your previous life, according to you it was miserable and a false life. But then you decide that transitioning is false and a lie of a life, and now have gone back to it. None of it makes sense. It is not like i am looking at a life in confusion because you seem to believe so strongly in whatever direction you are going in at the moment. So much so that you throw everybody who does not believe you, or that you are correct is thrown under the bus, as if they do not matter because they do not believe you or agree. You are all over the place. You may need some serious professional (not self help) help. I am not trying to be mean or a jerk, just sharing my observation of what I have seen from your blogged life. God luck with that.

    Like

    Posted by anonymous | December 22, 2016, 8:20 pm
    • Well hey there, Mr/Ms. Nobody, since you don’t have the ovaries or balls to show who you are and have to comment anonymously, I would consider your comment valuable if you would have the decency to at least introduce yourself or reveal your identity. It always marvels me how people become so bold with their opinion and comments when they don’t have to be accountable.

      Since when are you the expert on human behavior, oh wait, your not? Your confusion and lack of making sense of someone else’s life, who choose to share their experience with the world, sounds like a personal problem to me. You see everyone living on this planet faces issues, some more apparent than others, the difference between people like Lynna and I and those of you who take great pleasure in judging or trying to figure people like us out, is that you don’t have the ability, to be honest with yourself or others, it helps forget about your own crap, huh????

      Let me give you a quick lesson in life, gender, and identity. We are all a byproduct of society and it’s capitalistic propaganda, our upbringing, most of our parents were immigrants, and although they did the best they could, failed in many ways to provide the essential emotional needs that people like us need. People like us meaning, people who have neurological impairment, and have needs that are not being met, so we self-soothe and deal with life the best way we can.

      Also, kid yourself not, counseling, psychiatry or any of the so-called medical intervention, actually fucks people up even worse, so your suggestion for “help” is ludicrous and would only create further damage. Lynna and I both went through the typical Gender Specialist regimen, they don’t know how to help, in fact, many make things worse. You know what does help, love, and support, that is a big one, you should try it sometime. We all make mistakes in life because we are not equipped as humans to deal with most of the situations we are faced with, so we mess up a lot.

      The best life training is sort of like on the job training, I know, I studied psychology greatly in my profession, the best training I actually got, was hands on. So yes, we are the experts, and learn as we go along. The only constant in life is change, anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they are lying. Sorry, you are so one track minded and get confused by the life of another, when it does not fit your little paradigm.

      Identity is complicated for everyone, we are spirits having a human experience and the ride has many ups and downs, those that survive are the ones that can flow with all the detours and curves, those that die out, are the ones that can’t handle the many changes life offers. So, is it us that needs luck or you? Who will die down as the dinosaurs? Not us, we are truth seekers and can change like the wind changes direction. So next time you have the need to hear yourself speak, try talking to the wall, you might get better results, especially if you are gong to be anonymous.

      If you really want to be helpful, then try to understand, and ask questions, we might just enlighten you.

      Like

      Posted by Mark Angelo Cummings | December 22, 2016, 10:29 pm
  4. Ah yes, how convenient for you Anonymous to come back in here to Mark’s blog and start firing away at how wrong you think that we all are? You know, I would take you more seriously if you would show some f**king guts and revealed who the hell that you are? You know, in real life, not in just some cutesy little chosen avatar. You have no balls, you are a spineless and a heartless individual. Let me ask you something, who made you God? DO you literally think that you have ANY right to talk about my life and my decisions? Do you seriously think that I should answer to you at all? You know who does not make any sense? That’s right, just take a good hard look in the mirror, YOU.

    How the hell do you know what I did and did not do prior to transitioning? I was a great dad to my kids and a faithful and loving spouse for almost two decades. You do NOT know me or what I went through for decades. I did not work on transitioning Anonymous, I just knew that I was not normal, I have always felt that way. So I dealt with it, I buried my thoughts and feelings at times until, in the end, the dam just broke. You would not understand, I do not expect you to, you are not like me and you have no idea what it is like to deal with lifelong gender issues. It is all some kind of joke and nothing more than a bad habit to you, you are clueless in your ability to be compassionate or understanding with regards to any of it.

    My fatherhood was indeed RIPPED AWAY FROM ME. You have no fucking clue as to how hard it was to lose those kids to a wife who wanted me to be NO PART of them. She got her wish and now you have the arrogance to think to tell me that it was not? I was fighting for my kids to be a part of my life, that is right up until I was involved in my accident and I saw what I really meant to them. You can get kicked in the face only so many times before you know that you are not wanted. There is N-O-T-H-I-N-G that you can say about me to hurt me anymore. Call me whatever you want, say whatever you choose to, accuse me of whatever you care to. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT. I am done being hurt and accused by all of you. You and everyone like you can all go back to hell where you came from.

    Did it ever occur to you that you sound like a real asshole, maybe it is because you are an asshole? Did it ever occur to you that those who saw my contrite heart to change did nothing to encourage me in my decision, they just sat there expecting me to grovel at their feet for a bone of forgiveness. My ex did not even rejoice when I told her that Mark had given his life to Jesus. She did not even want to speak to Mark and has refused to say a word to him. I asked to see my children during the time that I was detransitioned but she refused me from being able to Facetime with them. Mark and I did what we could to fit into the Christian paradigm but realized that it was all for not. We realized that nobody gave a shit about either of us, just as to how they wanted to perceive us.

    DO you always have to come across like an accusatory little devil??? Oh, you know, things would definitely work out better for you in talking to either of us if you did not do it from your perch of exceptionalism. I have no problem being honest Anonymous, ever since I transitioned back in late 2013, that is all that I have been. I told myself then that I was not going to live in secret anymore, I was going to be real and true to others and to myself. Mark gets me, he knows that I am me and he loves me for that. I have nothing to hide with him but I had everything to hide from all of you because I knew that this is exactly how I would be treated, with hate, condemnation, accusation, judgment and anger. It was a lose-lose scenario for me and I knew it then and you all proved it by how you all reacted throughout the last several months, even after I had detransitioned.

    I REFUSE to be guilty anymore, I am a WALL and you can’t get to me anymore, you know why? Because I know that NONE of you love me, you only love what you thought you had. I don’t live to please your expectations, I am loved by Mark and that is ALL THAT MATTERS. My resolve to have made the decision to transition is stronger now than it has ever been. It was the BEST choice that I could have ever made with my life and I have NO REGRETS WHATSOEVER. You can roll that up, stick it in your pipe and smoke it.

    You are right, I have been twisting and turning over the anguish of losing my children (not my ex, it has never been regretful for me to have left a dead marriage). She knew how best to get revenge and the kids were her best weapon. They have been brainwashed to think that I am a jerk and I say that it is their loss. I am still a fun-loving, generous, giving, compassionate person. I have lots of love that I was capable of giving them but they refuse, so it is truly their loss. Who loses here? We all do. Who was willing to make things work? I was. Who said NO. They did.

    Don’t come in here and tell me that you do not mean to be mean or a jerk but you are Anonymous. The thing is that what you say can’t hurt me anymore because I know that you do not say things out of love or concern for me. You are just an anonymous asshole blogging a comment on my husband’s wall. You mean nothing to me and if you were to ask me, I would say that YOU are the one who needs to get his/her shit together. I know where I stand, I know who I am, you however don’t even have the human decency to reveal your name. You have a a problem with me? Grow some balls and SAY it to MY FACE. If not, FUCK OFF. smh-

    Like

    Posted by Lynna Cummings | December 22, 2016, 10:54 pm
  5. From both of your reactions, it is easy to see you don’t care about anyone, unless they agree with your views, even if your views have changed more than once. I said I was confused on how you treat life and your expectations on others. How you make changes and still expect others to immediately react to your life choices. You in turn say I’m worthless for not revealing my name. I have no expectations of you. I have my own summations from what you say in your many blogs, pics and how you react to comments. Definitely did not have to curse me out, but that is how you both chose to react. Many believe (as I do) that what is communicated from a person is what is truly in their heart. Oh well. Sorry I offended you so greatly with my explanation (and questions) of my own confusion of your expectations in life, given your multiple life changes, that repeatedly affected everyone around you. That is all.

    Like

    Posted by Anonymous | December 26, 2016, 7:21 pm
    • From you comments it’s easy to see that you don’t have a brain, I don’t need you to agree with my views, I write in my blog as a person would write a journal, it’s telling our story, my story. There are no wrong or rights, so no you don’t have the right to critique it, grade it or judge it. I care about people I know, you are a nobody, you don’t even care to identify yourself, so I have no respect for you or your comments. You don’t know our heart, just because we react to an anonymous commentator in a certain way, does not mean, you know our hearts. I am sick and tired of people commenting on our blogs without knowing anything, only from what we write and allow you to know. Again go get confused elsewhere, why do you keep coming to our blog, what interest is it of yours?

      Unless, you identify yourself and let us know why it is of interest to you, then please don’t bother.

      Like

      Posted by Mark Angelo Cummings | December 26, 2016, 10:29 pm
  6. Again, Anonymous, you speak from your perch of superiority and then you have to make judgments on our character. Who do you think that you are? We care, believe me, we care a lot about other people. We would not have attempted to detransition a few months back if we did not. The fact of the matter is that they rejected us period. Mark’s views only changed in order to accommodate my craziness and that was due to being subject to many life-changing traumatic events in a short amount of time. Again, you are speaking out and accusing us both of things which you do not really know about or understand. Why do you continue to do so?

    No one expected anyone to immediately react to anything Anonymous, just a simple acknowledgment would have been nice. Your summations are from a very skewed and uninformed point of view. How can you possibly draw any meaningful and honest summation about anything if you do not know the whole story? You continue to hideout here in cyberspace and refuse to reveal who you are. I do not respect you one bit. If you have something to say to me, then you need to come out from under the shadows and tell it to my face. I cursed you out because you pissed me off, you have no idea how rude you are. Are you that ignorant? You speak for everyone Anonymous? How is that? Yes, I know, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. I totally get it. Have you read your own comments directed at Mark and I in the past few months? Do you not understand that you are completely judgmental and rude?

    You did offend me Anonymous, it offends me that people like you feel that you have the right to trample over the private lives of people who you DO NOT KNOW. That is plain wrong and I am sure that you know that. Do to others what you would want them to do to you? Remember the GOLDEN RULE? Why don’t you follow it? Are you immune to doing that? Judge not unless you want to be judged yourself? Remember that one? You offend me greatly because you ASSume to know me and why I do what I do. Well, guess what, YOU DON’T. Our multiple life changes were caused by the multiple life-changing traumas and the degree of rejection that I have experienced in a very short amount of time. DO YOU GET IT YET? I hope that you do. Please refrain from saying anything else unless you bother to have the decency to reveal who you are.

    Like

    Posted by Lynna Cummings | December 26, 2016, 10:40 pm
  7. You are the ones using this blog as your life journal, not me. You are the ones giving the viewpoints into your life, long drawn out explanations of what you did, why you did it, and your disappointments or joy (not as much lately) with what transpired. If you take a step back, then you’d see you are Irving up your life to any response under the sun. I may have not been super polite or super sensitive but I asked questions, was not rude, did not curse at you, nor did I call you names. I may have called judgments, but that we based on the information you put out there, from your point of view. If you can’t handle it then get off the internet. Use a personal journal, talk to your pillow. If your so greatly offended by someone you don’t know that asked questions, and was confused by your explanations of interpersonal relationships then maybe this isn’t the best medium for you. I can easily go away, which I will, but your problems and the way you react to anyone like me probably won’t just go away. That’s the thing, you can point the fingers at everyone else, but my comments (as I’ve said before) are based on your blogs. I don’t care that you do not respect me or my comments, but based on your reactions, I can see how it would be difficult for others to care for too

    Like

    Posted by Anonymous | December 27, 2016, 12:47 am
    • I have been on the internet since 2006, on youtube, and have had several blogs, people have said nasty things, many Christians have tried to battle with my life and tried to interfere, I don’t have problems with people saying stupid things, calling me names or judging, but they are not anonymous, that is the problem, I have with you. You don’t get an opinion when you are anonymous not in my book. Who are you, why the interest in our lives? Are you someone in Lynna’s prior life, are you, a Christian friend, or just a nosy git whose own life is in shambles and needs to feel better about herself by commenting here? Like I said, I could careless what you think, feel or say.

      Just own up to who you are and why do you even care?

      Like

      Posted by Mark Angelo Cummings | December 27, 2016, 2:16 am
    • Yes Anonymous, you are absolutely right to understand the fact that this is Mark’s blog about HIS life. We say what we say because this is our space to write these things down. What does it matter to you how much we do or do not say about our lives? What does it matter to you? You do not realize that when you accuse people and judged people that you do not know anything about other than what you hear, it is the same thing as cussing at them. Please do not think that words infused with condemnation are not intended to do anything but hurt the person or persons that they are directed towards.

      I have been on the internet blogging about my life ever since I began my transition. It was a part of me not hiding myself away from anything or anyone anymore. I kept way too many secrets about me for most of my life and why? Because of fear of reprisal from people like you. I am not scared of you people and your judgments anymore. I refuse to be put back into a box and I will speak my mind, regardless of what you or anyone else may think. I can handle IT, I will not be silenced and will not listen to anybody who tells me to get off the internet, especially some unknown person who refuses to have the decency to reveal their identity. How would you feel if someone made judgments about you and yet they never wanted to let you know who they were. Perhaps if you let us know who you are we could get down to the real issues? It would not have to be here either, I have an email that you are welcome to message me at: lynna.cumming@yahoo.com or look me up on FB or Twitter. But no, it seems like your MO is to antagonize me here publically. Do you even want an answer or do you just want to spread more negativity?

      Like

      Posted by Lynna Cummings | December 27, 2016, 4:50 pm

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